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Staff

Fall 2007 Masthead

Editor-in-Chief

Mike "Rainbow Sword" Yarsky

Mike Yarsky found his calling, like many others on Zamboni staff and in the greater artistic community, by channeling his deep sexual frustrations into comedic writing. Naturally, the endeavor led to numerous honors and achievements: having quelled the Somalian proxy war between Ethiopia and Eritrea through a hilarious though albeit unpublished news-brief on moist panties, he received a Purple Heart, a Congressional Medal of Honor, and a $25 gift certificate to Douches-R-Us. He would like to thank pigeons, the Amish, and the White House for providing virtually boundless opportunities of comic inspiration.

Managing Editors

Luke "Secret Goth" Burns

Three words that describe Luke Burns: Raconteur. Bon vivant. Man about town. It doesn't matter what town, if Luke's in it, he'll be about it. Hailing from the great state of New York (Excelsior! *wink, wink*), Luke is the proud owner of one of the largest private collections of leather-bound graphic novels on the Eastern seaboard. A Managing Editor at the illustrious Zamboni Journal of Foreign Policy, Luke hopes to use his high-profile position to raise awareness of himself. If you like long walks, laughs, and being lectured about foreign films, don't wait! Reply to Zamboni Personals' Box 812 .

Julie "From Russia with Love" Gomstyn

Before joining The Zamboni, Julie Gomstyn worked as a trained assassin under the codename Black Mamba. She was as happy as any paid killer could be before she realized that her true calling was to hurt people through words, not bullets. Now she gets her kicks by writing offensive articles for The Zamboni, ordering Dominos at three in the morning, and watching television shows whose title characters fight crime/vampires.

Photography Editor

Katie "You Make Me Wanna Let You Insert It" Ray

The Zamboni's illustrious photo editor and zombie expert hails from one of those states that has to have its name written out in the Atlantic Ocean on maps, it's that small. Her life's ambition is to direct a baby orchestra. Failing that, she would like to be impregnated by Jeff Goldblum. Seriously. She has a weakness for world domination and men crying.

Editors-at-Large

Katinka "Sausage Queen of Chicago" Peck

Katinka was being born in the former USSR, in area now known as Platcekminsk (which, roughly translated, meaning "Nice Day to be Having; No trespasses, Landmines"). Her family emmitgrates to France, then be immigrated to Toronto, before taking first TransAtlantic hot air balloons to the Cleveland 1989. Orphaning by botulism kielbasa let to difficult childhoods. Difficult childhoods meant selling matches on streets of the Cleveland. Katinka had eventual death by frostbite in 1997, but cryogenic technologies and kind ancient billionaire made for Katinka's reanimating of the year 2004. Kind ancient billionaires make to husband Katinka. But kind ancient billionaires be dying of poison heart attack in 2005 and giving to fundings to Katinka for education and handbags. Katinka attend University of Tuftsonia and learning to study women for to help others of Slavic cheekbones. Katinka's career as model is to be greatly celebrated in Zamboni fashion magazines.

Mark "Boob Action" Villanueva

Mark Villanueva first came in contact with The Zamboni in 1935 while working for the League of Nations. Brett Weiner, back then the Editor-in-Chief, captured him and put him in captivity, preparing to alter him for the nefarious "Weapon F" program. Weiner's plan was to change Mark's last name to something equally phallic and to use him to produce jokes about homo-erotic sports culture and the South, but Mark escaped. He now writes in exile from New Dewick on Four-Letter Island. He would like to thank the inhabitants of Four-Letter Island for giving life to his articles.

Anne "Webmistress of Pain" Fricker

Anne is a recovering goth who either hails from P-H-I-L-L-Y (Jersey sucks!) or from Jersey (Philly sucks!) depending on her present company. She spends most of her time online looking at dogs in hats, porn, or a combination of the two. Sometimes, Anne abuses her webmistress powers and writes fake bios for the lazy asshats on the Zamboni staff who don't write their own. She has a weakness for gay angels (see: The Amber Spyglass, Good Omens), bad puns, and making to-do lists that never actually get done. Next on the list: coming up with a clever ending for her bio.

Lauren "Loosey Goosey" Vigdor

One time, when Mark was describing girls based on their hotness and the color of their hair, he described Lauren as "okay, and I don't know." This is pretty much accurate. Lauren enjoys cleaning up after frat boys and cooking (like all women should). When not doing these, Lauren spreads syphilis among her housemates, only to discover that they have taken their revenge by writing her bio and putting it on this website.

Sarah Jacknis

When attempting to compile her most useful skills for the purpose of this bio, Sarah discovered an interesting coincidence: She can recite the alphabet backwards quicker than she can say it forwards. She has difficulty reading analog clocks but has no problem reading her backwards analog clock. Also: She can beat-box. But not backwards. That's not really part of the coincidence, but if you ask her to do it, she will do it, probably no matter where you are, much to the majority of her friends' embarrassment.

Will "You Sleep With Me " Sokoloff

Will is an all around awesome guy. At first we all thought that he was another a-hole from Jersey, but then we found out that he’s probably the funniest New Jerseyite (not New Jersian) in the world. Will proved himself by reporting on the Method Man/Saigon stabbing (see article), finding Pierce Brosnan drunk off his ass in Iraq (see photo) and getting his manhood bitten by a dog (see Will). When he’s not busy working on his photos he spends his time deciding if he looks more like Zach Braff, Tom Cruise, Wolverine, or Tony Danza. It depends. We all anticipate greatness from this comedic star; we just wish he would transfer … that pompous ass.

Mike Schecht

Mike did a tour of duty in 'Nam back in '69. He now suffers from severe memory loss, hair loss, and dementia due to the effects of Agent Orange. However, he uses his disconnect with reality to aid in his writing for the Zamboni, which he joined upon hearing of an offer of free cookies. In his spare time he can be seen chasing people and shouting obscenities at passersby in Davis Square. Any monetary donations will be much appreciated and most definitely won't be used to feed his growing drug habit.

Staff

Niki "Bio Coming Soon" Johnson

Stephen "It's Only Alcoholism After College" Riche

Stephen a senior who is constantly busy, scurrying from place to place. He is majoring in Bio-Psychology and can be found at museums, graduate school conferences, special lectures and symposiums (unlike here, they have good food and a bar at the reception, big plus and worth listening to an hour of bullshit for), outside (he likes nature) and boozing it up around campus. Over the summer he worked on getting mice drunk and then tricking them into being filmed and taking drugs. He has made the assorted compilations into a feature motion picture titled "Mice, Booze and Bitches," best described as a mix of "Girls Gone Wild" and "Fight Club," but with mice. Reviews are still out.

Dana "Cat Macro " Berube

Dana hails from ~~Wuster~~ ~~Worcestershire~~ Worcester, MA and probably knows more internet slang than you (FTW =/= WTF backwards). When not secretly plotting the downfall of Yolanda King or illuminating the differences between camel species, she is probably drawing sexy versions of your favorite Disney characters, complete with 300-worthy abs. One thing she did not do herself is write this bio, but we'll forgive her because she was still probably a cooler freshman than you.

Matthew "Coming Out of the Goddamn Walls" Luz

A former Lithuanian child actor and amateur ophthalmologist, Matthew can now be seen stalking the halls of the Zamboni wearing nothing but a cape. No one is quite sure what drove him to his present mental predicament, but we’d guess it was the copious amount of methamphetamines he consumes daily. Recently named as a Rhodes Scholar, Matthew will gladly explain his theories behind the Hyperbolic 3-manifold to anyone who will listen.

Olivia "Chametzophobia" Teytelbaum

Olivia Teytelbaum, mongoloid and sufferer of multiple personality disorder (MPD), lives three lives, two of which involve cheese-making. She refuses, however, to eat said cheese. When she is not exercising, exercising, reading, or exercising, she enjoys pretending to be a contributor to such prestigious publications as The Zamboni and Tufts Daily. She loves long walks on the beach, singing in the shower, dancing in the rain, and dismembering Fascists. She also makes a mean bread pudding.

Zamboni Ex-Pats (aka Editors Abroad)

Devin "South Hall" Toohey

The son of a peg-legged prostitute and Dionysus, Greek god of wine, Devin grew up in the mean streets of middle-class northern Jersey. After spending his first 18 years entangling himself with the Mafia, untangling himself with the Mafia, and learning every poop joke known to man, he came to Tufts because … well, what else was he going to do? Devin marveled the Zamboni staff at his first meeting by proving that no matter how awkward they were, he could still manage to out-awkward all of them. Devin’s work has covered such grave subject matter as masturbation, Communism, porno, Shakespeare, poop, academia, zombies, Iraq, porno, alcoholism, poop, religion, poop, the legal system, mass media, porno, poop, and much more. Through blackmail, bribes, and blowjobs, he eventually assumed the position of managing editor (which is a lot more uncomfortable than the standard missionary position). Except now he is in London and too busy ruining America’s already tarnished name to work full-time at the Zamboni. But like Jesus, King Arthur, John Lennon, and Captain America, he will return one day. If there is one thing we can learn from the Devin-Toohey-Story, it is that even if one is attractive, gay, and not Jewish, he can still be kind of funny.

Previous Editors-in-Chief

Francis "Definitely Not Gay " Dahl

Francis may come off as being homosexual, but that's just not true. In fact, he's even allergic to nuts. He may also come off as being American, which is just more lies, because he's actually British, despite not having any accent to speak of. Francis is most remembered for presiding over France during the early periods of the Renaissance, a time of immense cultural change for the empire.

What? Oh, wrong Francis. Sorry. Nevermind. Francis is most remembered for his bitchin' hair.

Stephanie "Sugar, Spice, and Everything Evil" Vallejo

Stephanie's reign at The Zamboni can most accurately be described as a "benevolent dictatorship," the kind that Hobbes wrote about in his classic of English literature, The Leviathon. To much dismay and not a few threats of self-harm from her followers, Stephanie abandoned The Zamboni to become Editor-in-Chief of the Daily, a move known in the industry as "working for something she can actually put on her resume." Though The Primary Source joked that they weren't sure if the move was "a step up for Ms. Vallejo or a step down for the Daily," we at The Zamboni would like to think of it as a step down for Ms. Vallejo and a step up for the Daily. When not jumping to bigger and better things, Stephanie enjoys self-censoring swearwords (see: d-bag, a-hole, mothereffer), copious consumption of Diet Coke, and gnomes. Just, you know, because.

Julie "Bio Coming Soon" Nogee

Brett "Bio Coming Soon" Weiner

Brett ruled the Zamboni with an iron fist until he was seduced to the dark side by ~~movies~~ film and moved to Hollywood, where he aggressively wears shades, sports a faux hawk, and acts like a douche. Brett now expresses himself creatively using the art of the Facebook album, a truly cutting-edge medium, as well as running his oh-so-funny website, www.backoftheclass.net. As demonstrated by his photo, Brett has the receding hairline and crotchetiness of an old geezer, yet the maturity, pudginess, and bathroom skills of an infant. Sometimes he promises to write his Zamboni bio only to never actually do it, leaving it to the Zamboni webmistress to come up with his best qualities (listed above).

Andrew "Never Going to Have a Bio" Kambour

Zamboni Alums

Ron "Doc Biohazard " Brown

Once upon a time, a young New Jersey prom queen (fearing her parents' reaction) self-aborted her unborn child and flushed it down the toilet. In what can only be described as some ungodly fluke of biology and luck, the flesh-pile that would be Ron fell into radioactive waste and began to feed on it. Eight and a half months later, its protective radiation-infused placental cocoon burst open to reveal a young, super-powerful negro boy with a gigantic head. Alone in the urban jungle that is New Jersey, this bastard child of the atom was taken in by a kindly New Jersey family where he learned, for the first time, of love. Years later, he became the hard fightin, hard drinkin', radioactive superscientist adventurer he is today.

Ron enjoys biomedical research, illustrating humor magazines, battling his evil twin, and foiling his arch-enemy's plot for world domination.

Calvin "Bio Coming Soon" Metcalf

Steve "Fake Name " Nelson

The Zamboni’s only graduate student member ever, Steve “Fake Name” Nelson is currently enjoying life in the real world, just like Theo in that episode of ‘The Cosby Show," but without all the puddin’ pops. Because Nelson was also the only member of the Zamboni staff to choose a real major (pre-med is not real), he currently has a job that does not require a nametag or a VD test. As a design engineer at the 3D printing company Z Corporation, his goal is to produce realistic collectible spoons to be sold on eBay for maniacal-laugh-sized profits. His wife (no foolin’, he’s married) is pursuing her PhD in laser stuff at MIT. She too will be focusing on evil after graduation. They also own a kitty cat.

Steve currently enjoys brewing beer, making fun of other's beer choices, and smelling his beer to the disgust of his loved ones.

George "Bio Coming Soon" Rausch

Editor-in-Chief
	Mike "Rainbow Sword" Yarsky Mike Yarsky found his calling, like many others on Zamboni staff and in the greater artistic community, by channeling his deep sexual frustrations into comedic writing. Naturally, the endeavor led to numerous honors and achievements: having quelled the Somalian proxy war between Ethiopia and Eritrea through a hilarious though albeit unpublished news-brief on moist panties, he received a Purple Heart, a Congressional Medal of Honor, and a $25 gift certificate to Douches-R-Us. He would like to thank pigeons, the Amish, and the White House for providing virtually boundless opportunities of comic inspiration.
Managing Editors
	Luke "Secret Goth" Burns Three words that describe Luke Burns: Raconteur. Bon vivant. Man about town. It doesn't matter what town, if Luke's in it, he'll be about it. Hailing from the great state of New York (Excelsior! wink, wink), Luke is the proud owner of one of the largest private collections of leather-bound graphic novels on the Eastern seaboard. A Managing Editor at the illustrious Zamboni Journal of Foreign Policy, Luke hopes to use his high-profile position to raise awareness of himself. If you like long walks, laughs, and being lectured about foreign films, don't wait! Reply to Zamboni Personals' Box 812 .
	Julie "From Russia with Love" Gomstyn Before joining The Zamboni, Julie Gomstyn worked as a trained assassin under the codename Black Mamba. She was as happy as any paid killer could be before she realized that her true calling was to hurt people through words, not bullets. Now she gets her kicks by writing offensive articles for The Zamboni, ordering Dominos at three in the morning, and watching television shows whose title characters fight crime/vampires.
Photography Editor
	Katie "You Make Me Wanna Let You Insert It" Ray The Zamboni's illustrious photo editor and zombie expert hails from one of those states that has to have its name written out in the Atlantic Ocean on maps, it's that small. Her life's ambition is to direct a baby orchestra. Failing that, she would like to be impregnated by Jeff Goldblum. Seriously. She has a weakness for world domination and men crying.
Editors-at-Large
	Katinka "Sausage Queen of Chicago" Peck Katinka was being born in the former USSR, in area now known as Platcekminsk (which, roughly translated, meaning "Nice Day to be Having; No trespasses, Landmines"). Her family emmitgrates to France, then be immigrated to Toronto, before taking first TransAtlantic hot air balloons to the Cleveland 1989. Orphaning by botulism kielbasa let to difficult childhoods. Difficult childhoods meant selling matches on streets of the Cleveland. Katinka had eventual death by frostbite in 1997, but cryogenic technologies and kind ancient billionaire made for Katinka's reanimating of the year 2004. Kind ancient billionaires make to husband Katinka. But kind ancient billionaires be dying of poison heart attack in 2005 and giving to fundings to Katinka for education and handbags. Katinka attend University of Tuftsonia and learning to study women for to help others of Slavic cheekbones. Katinka's career as model is to be greatly celebrated in Zamboni fashion magazines.
	Mark "Boob Action" Villanueva Mark Villanueva first came in contact with The Zamboni in 1935 while working for the League of Nations. Brett Weiner, back then the Editor-in-Chief, captured him and put him in captivity, preparing to alter him for the nefarious "Weapon F" program. Weiner's plan was to change Mark's last name to something equally phallic and to use him to produce jokes about homo-erotic sports culture and the South, but Mark escaped. He now writes in exile from New Dewick on Four-Letter Island. He would like to thank the inhabitants of Four-Letter Island for giving life to his articles.
	Anne "Webmistress of Pain" Fricker Anne is a recovering goth who either hails from P-H-I-L-L-Y (Jersey sucks!) or from Jersey (Philly sucks!) depending on her present company. She spends most of her time online looking at dogs in hats, porn, or a combination of the two. Sometimes, Anne abuses her webmistress powers and writes fake bios for the lazy asshats on the Zamboni staff who don't write their own. She has a weakness for gay angels (see: The Amber Spyglass, Good Omens), bad puns, and making to-do lists that never actually get done. Next on the list: coming up with a clever ending for her bio.
	Lauren "Loosey Goosey" Vigdor One time, when Mark was describing girls based on their hotness and the color of their hair, he described Lauren as "okay, and I don't know." This is pretty much accurate. Lauren enjoys cleaning up after frat boys and cooking (like all women should). When not doing these, Lauren spreads syphilis among her housemates, only to discover that they have taken their revenge by writing her bio and putting it on this website.
	Sarah Jacknis When attempting to compile her most useful skills for the purpose of this bio, Sarah discovered an interesting coincidence: She can recite the alphabet backwards quicker than she can say it forwards. She has difficulty reading analog clocks but has no problem reading her backwards analog clock. Also: She can beat-box. But not backwards. That's not really part of the coincidence, but if you ask her to do it, she will do it, probably no matter where you are, much to the majority of her friends' embarrassment.
	Will "You Sleep With Me " Sokoloff Will is an all around awesome guy. At first we all thought that he was another a-hole from Jersey, but then we found out that he’s probably the funniest New Jerseyite (not New Jersian) in the world. Will proved himself by reporting on the Method Man/Saigon stabbing (see article), finding Pierce Brosnan drunk off his ass in Iraq (see photo) and getting his manhood bitten by a dog (see Will). When he’s not busy working on his photos he spends his time deciding if he looks more like Zach Braff, Tom Cruise, Wolverine, or Tony Danza. It depends. We all anticipate greatness from this comedic star; we just wish he would transfer … that pompous ass.
	Mike Schecht Mike did a tour of duty in 'Nam back in '69. He now suffers from severe memory loss, hair loss, and dementia due to the effects of Agent Orange. However, he uses his disconnect with reality to aid in his writing for the Zamboni, which he joined upon hearing of an offer of free cookies. In his spare time he can be seen chasing people and shouting obscenities at passersby in Davis Square. Any monetary donations will be much appreciated and most definitely won't be used to feed his growing drug habit.
Staff
	Niki "Bio Coming Soon" Johnson
	Stephen "It's Only Alcoholism After College" Riche Stephen a senior who is constantly busy, scurrying from place to place. He is majoring in Bio-Psychology and can be found at museums, graduate school conferences, special lectures and symposiums (unlike here, they have good food and a bar at the reception, big plus and worth listening to an hour of bullshit for), outside (he likes nature) and boozing it up around campus. Over the summer he worked on getting mice drunk and then tricking them into being filmed and taking drugs. He has made the assorted compilations into a feature motion picture titled "Mice, Booze and Bitches," best described as a mix of "Girls Gone Wild" and "Fight Club," but with mice. Reviews are still out.
	Dana "Cat Macro " Berube Dana hails from ~~Wuster~~ ~~Worcestershire~~ Worcester, MA and probably knows more internet slang than you (FTW =/= WTF backwards). When not secretly plotting the downfall of Yolanda King or illuminating the differences between camel species, she is probably drawing sexy versions of your favorite Disney characters, complete with 300-worthy abs. One thing she did not do herself is write this bio, but we'll forgive her because she was still probably a cooler freshman than you.
	Matthew "Coming Out of the Goddamn Walls" Luz A former Lithuanian child actor and amateur ophthalmologist, Matthew can now be seen stalking the halls of the Zamboni wearing nothing but a cape. No one is quite sure what drove him to his present mental predicament, but we’d guess it was the copious amount of methamphetamines he consumes daily. Recently named as a Rhodes Scholar, Matthew will gladly explain his theories behind the Hyperbolic 3-manifold to anyone who will listen.
	Olivia "Chametzophobia" Teytelbaum Olivia Teytelbaum, mongoloid and sufferer of multiple personality disorder (MPD), lives three lives, two of which involve cheese-making. She refuses, however, to eat said cheese. When she is not exercising, exercising, reading, or exercising, she enjoys pretending to be a contributor to such prestigious publications as The Zamboni and Tufts Daily. She loves long walks on the beach, singing in the shower, dancing in the rain, and dismembering Fascists. She also makes a mean bread pudding.
Zamboni Ex-Pats (aka Editors Abroad)
	Devin "South Hall" Toohey The son of a peg-legged prostitute and Dionysus, Greek god of wine, Devin grew up in the mean streets of middle-class northern Jersey. After spending his first 18 years entangling himself with the Mafia, untangling himself with the Mafia, and learning every poop joke known to man, he came to Tufts because … well, what else was he going to do? Devin marveled the Zamboni staff at his first meeting by proving that no matter how awkward they were, he could still manage to out-awkward all of them. Devin’s work has covered such grave subject matter as masturbation, Communism, porno, Shakespeare, poop, academia, zombies, Iraq, porno, alcoholism, poop, religion, poop, the legal system, mass media, porno, poop, and much more. Through blackmail, bribes, and blowjobs, he eventually assumed the position of managing editor (which is a lot more uncomfortable than the standard missionary position). Except now he is in London and too busy ruining America’s already tarnished name to work full-time at the Zamboni. But like Jesus, King Arthur, John Lennon, and Captain America, he will return one day. If there is one thing we can learn from the Devin-Toohey-Story, it is that even if one is attractive, gay, and not Jewish, he can still be kind of funny.
Previous Editors-in-Chief
	Francis "Definitely Not Gay " Dahl Francis may come off as being homosexual, but that's just not true. In fact, he's even allergic to nuts. He may also come off as being American, which is just more lies, because he's actually British, despite not having any accent to speak of. Francis is most remembered for presiding over France during the early periods of the Renaissance, a time of immense cultural change for the empire. What? Oh, wrong Francis. Sorry. Nevermind. Francis is most remembered for his bitchin' hair.
	Stephanie "Sugar, Spice, and Everything Evil" Vallejo Stephanie's reign at The Zamboni can most accurately be described as a "benevolent dictatorship," the kind that Hobbes wrote about in his classic of English literature, The Leviathon. To much dismay and not a few threats of self-harm from her followers, Stephanie abandoned The Zamboni to become Editor-in-Chief of the Daily, a move known in the industry as "working for something she can actually put on her resume." Though The Primary Source joked that they weren't sure if the move was "a step up for Ms. Vallejo or a step down for the Daily," we at The Zamboni would like to think of it as a step down for Ms. Vallejo and a step up for the Daily. When not jumping to bigger and better things, Stephanie enjoys self-censoring swearwords (see: d-bag, a-hole, mothereffer), copious consumption of Diet Coke, and gnomes. Just, you know, because.
	Julie "Bio Coming Soon" Nogee
	Brett "Bio Coming Soon" Weiner Brett ruled the Zamboni with an iron fist until he was seduced to the dark side by ~~movies~~ film and moved to Hollywood, where he aggressively wears shades, sports a faux hawk, and acts like a douche. Brett now expresses himself creatively using the art of the Facebook album, a truly cutting-edge medium, as well as running his oh-so-funny website, www.backoftheclass.net. As demonstrated by his photo, Brett has the receding hairline and crotchetiness of an old geezer, yet the maturity, pudginess, and bathroom skills of an infant. Sometimes he promises to write his Zamboni bio only to never actually do it, leaving it to the Zamboni webmistress to come up with his best qualities (listed above).
	Andrew "Never Going to Have a Bio" Kambour
Zamboni Alums
	Ron "Doc Biohazard " Brown Once upon a time, a young New Jersey prom queen (fearing her parents' reaction) self-aborted her unborn child and flushed it down the toilet. In what can only be described as some ungodly fluke of biology and luck, the flesh-pile that would be Ron fell into radioactive waste and began to feed on it. Eight and a half months later, its protective radiation-infused placental cocoon burst open to reveal a young, super-powerful negro boy with a gigantic head. Alone in the urban jungle that is New Jersey, this bastard child of the atom was taken in by a kindly New Jersey family where he learned, for the first time, of love. Years later, he became the hard fightin, hard drinkin', radioactive superscientist adventurer he is today. Ron enjoys biomedical research, illustrating humor magazines, battling his evil twin, and foiling his arch-enemy's plot for world domination.
	Calvin "Bio Coming Soon" Metcalf
	Steve "Fake Name " Nelson The Zamboni’s only graduate student member ever, Steve “Fake Name” Nelson is currently enjoying life in the real world, just like Theo in that episode of ‘The Cosby Show," but without all the puddin’ pops. Because Nelson was also the only member of the Zamboni staff to choose a real major (pre-med is not real), he currently has a job that does not require a nametag or a VD test. As a design engineer at the 3D printing company Z Corporation, his goal is to produce realistic collectible spoons to be sold on eBay for maniacal-laugh-sized profits. His wife (no foolin’, he’s married) is pursuing her PhD in laser stuff at MIT. She too will be focusing on evil after graduation. They also own a kitty cat. Steve currently enjoys brewing beer, making fun of other's beer choices, and smelling his beer to the disgust of his loved ones.
	George "Bio Coming Soon" Rausch